Dan's Profile
Rabble-Rouser and Patron of the Arts
Metromixing Since
May 2008
Location
Lawrence Welk
My Hometown
Lawrence Welk
My First Concert
Lawrence Welk
My Favorite Movie
Lawrence Welk
My Favorite Restaurant
Lawrence Welk
My Favorite Hair Metal Band
Ronald Reagan
Thing I'm Most Addicted To
Lawrence Welk
Exact Locations and Mostly Inaccurate Anecdotes re: Supernatural Phenomena I've Witnessed in Charm City
You think you've seen some crazy [REDACTED]? Boy, shut up. I said shut up. I've seen some [REDACTED] to make your spine melt. I've seen [REDACTED] would turn you 'n' your whole family into invertebrate [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]. Don't jack with me.
-
1
Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse -
800 St. Paul St. - Baltimore (Mount Vernon)
Report this commentOne time I'm in here reading up on my boy Engels when this guy in an Italian suit walks in and he's all like, "I love capitalism! I hate poor people! The free market is literally the greatest invention since sliced bread, even though it predates sliced bread by at least one century!" So what happens? The ghost of Trotsky materializes from the Political History shelf and ice-picks the Italian-suited dude right in the back of the skull. Yeah, I know, right?
-
2
Sonar -
407 E. Saratoga St. - Baltimore (Downtown)
Report this commentSo I paid $9 to see a tub of dolphins recite the alphabet here. They set up this crazy sonar-deciphering thing and used their TVs to decode the dolphins' clicks and whistles into the alphabet. Then a policeman came in and asked them to do it backwards, sort of like a sobriety test. The audience got a real kick out of that. Just to be sure there was no bull[REDACTED], they had this dolphin expert on hand from like Nat'l Geographic or some [REDACTED], and he was really impressed by the whole thing, so I think it was legit.
-
3
Mr. Chicken & Trout -
1141 West Baltimore St. - Baltimore
Report this commentI ate here once. J/k j/k! But I had a friend who almost lost his glass eyeball right outside. It fell into a sewer and the city mailed it back to him a month later. It arrived in one of those little padded manila envelopes, which I thought was a nice touch.
-
4
Dangerously Delicious Pies -
1036 Light St. - Baltimore (Federal Hill)
Report this commentOn a hot July day I was chowing down on some pie when this old fogey next to me took his first bite and said, "So... mother[REDACTED]ing... delicious..." Then he keeled over dead and a series of angels descended to escort him to purgatory, where he was given a good hosing-down and led to the Pearly Gates. One angel stuck around in B-more and boxed up the pie so the old fogey could enjoy the leftovers in Heaven, forever. "Guess that's why they call them Dangerously Delicious!" the angel joked, and everyone in the place enjoyed a hearty laugh.
-
5
The Brewer's Art -
1106 N. Charles St. - Baltimore (Mount Vernon)
Report this commentMy buddy Pieter Brueghel (no relation to the Dutch Master, though he does work with some other Dutch Masters, if you catch my drift) once pounded a couple of Resurrection Ales here, and three days later they rose again. Granted, I think he ate some bad crabs or something in-between, and his internist definitely diagnosed him with food poisoning the next afternoon, but still, you know, that's pretty [REDACTED] up.
Recent User Playlists
under the bus
here are food items i'd toss my grandmother under a bus to get! (well, maybe not. i'd at least have to think about it for a minute. sorry, grandma.)
Restaurant Week is back!
I'm a sucker for a dining deal, even if it is a bit of a gimmick once it's all said and done. Here's where I'll be:
Necessary summer concerts
Yeah, it may be mid-July already, but live music events are just heating up. Here are some must-see events for the second half of the year.
