(Credit: Mark Gross)
It was an uncharacteristically quiet day in Fells. I sat outside en Feugo on a bench waiting for my date and thinking about a rumor I heard: If you give the en Fuego employees a hard time or act too tough, they'll serve you a burrito so hot it's more like a Mexican enema than a meal.
Once my lunch date showed, we packed into a tiny crowded cubicle of a restaurant, and tried to determine where the line ended and where it began amid the chaos inside. People sitting with their arms spread across the window ledge are waiting for their already ordered en Fuego. The more anxious-looking ones staring toward the cash register and trying to decipher the menu's heat index are waiting to order.
The Diablo temperature, the hottest listed temperature, is a "Hot!!! 4 Pepper Blend." I asked the man at the register if he thought that was a safe decision, but he seemed uninterested in my own needs, and more interested in clearing the waiting area of hungry lunchers. Fair enough. Hopefully my head won't explode like that dude in "Scanners." I ordered a Chicken Burrito Diablo, and my date had the Taco Salad Fuego. Fuego is the medium temp. She thought on her first time out she'd shoot for the middle ground. Girls.
The dining area is a yellow and orange box. There are two hi-tops that seat two each, and a counter that might seat four people looks through the front window and out onto the square. All sorts of pepper paraphernalia hangs from the walls and ceiling. Luckily, most people were clearing out, and by the time we got our grub we were able to snag one of the hi-tops.
OK. So maybe we'd prefer that they not pack everything in Styrofoam for environmental reasons, but when dealing with el Diablo there are certain niceties that go unfulfilled. One being your soul, the other being any and all environmental concerns.
As I worked on my burrito and helped my date make sure there would be no taco salad leftovers, I began to get a little snotty without even noticing it. You know, like when your food's too spicy or you get pepper in your nose. The Diablo had snuck up on me, and as I told my date I might be able to handle an even hotter burrito, she pointed out how disgusting we had become. She and I were sniffling between bites and dabbing the drippage away from our noses. Maybe Burritos en Fuego isn't a date for the faint of heart, but it holds up to its name. Burritos aren't the only thing on fire at en Fuego. The hearts and noses of the patrons are also burning with desire for cheap food and a friend to snot with.
Dish: She ordered her Chicken Taco Salad Fuego, medium heat, and I ordered my Chicken Burrito Diablo, hot heat. The taco salad filled a standard to-go container, which means there was a decent amount of salad. I think she was a little more than half way through when she threatened to tap out. En Fuego's burritos are pretty hefty and come with some nachos sans salsa. The chips come in handy, though, when picking up burrito droppings.
Damage: Taco salad: $7, chicken burrito: $6.50, and we did that lame-ass date thing where we share one soda (sorry en Fuego): $1.25. Total Damage (with tax): $14.75. I know you can't buy half a soda if you're alone, but if we had each paid half it would have cost $7.38.
Decision: Go to Burritos en Fuego. It's good food and it's cheap. Then sell your soul to el Diablo, snotball.
