Home > Baltimore Restaurants > Restaurant Review > You're broke. Eat here.

It began as I first stepped onto The Block. I was overwhelmed by the sudden urge to slake a certain desire. For a time, my head was in constant motion, oscillating from left to right in search of the thing that would fulfill my needs. I noticed others on the street. The motley collection of strangers appeared to hurl themselves in all directions. Driven and wild-eyed, they moved ambitiously before disappearing into their destinations. I have never felt such hunger, such emptiness. Despite invitations from several smiling doormen, I moved passed the adult bookstores, toy shops and clubs and scurried down the street, following the promising hum of glowing neon lights. Intent on reaching my goal, I ignored the photographs of tawdry women. Then, it suddenly appeared. Pushing the door open I thought to myself, "A good cheesesteak is hard to find."

I'd heard about Crazy John's cheesesteak ($4.90) from a friend who lives downtown. So one evening, before meeting my girlfriend and a few of her friends for drinks, I decided to give it a try. Confusion struck me upon entering the restaurant as it wasn't immediately clear from whom I was to order my food. A friendly employee, with an eye for bewildered tourists, waved me over. I requested a cheesesteak, a side of fries ($1.95) and a medium Pepsi ($1.25). During the wait for my food I wandered over to the arcade area, which was bustling with activity. I waited patiently for the Time Crisis line to dwindle, but my food was ready before the line went down and I wanted to grub. I grabbed a seat at an available table and unwrapped my feast. The fries were plentiful and crisp, not over-cooked or soggy. The cheesesteak was crammed full of meat, not just stuffed with lettuce and onion. Not the best cheesesteak I'd ever consumed but damned tasty, especially for five bucks.

The next afternoon, following a night of bar-hopping in Canton, we awoke with a fierce case of the hangover munchies. Wearing the same clothes from the previous evening, I returned to The Block with three red-eyed ladies by my side.

"A true pimp feeds his hos," I boasted, quickly receiving three mirthless glares.

After placing our orders, we claimed a table and attempted to rehydrate while waiting for our food. The restaurant was packed with people. Cops, college kids, businessmen and the occasional derelict all paraded through the door searching for lunch. The people serving the food were mannerly and welcoming, giving the place an old-fashioned feel. In about 10 minutes our food was up and we began devouring it. My girlfriend really enjoyed her grilled chicken sandwich ($3.85) and shared her fries with her sister, who greedily devoured "one of the best cheeseburgers ($2.90) she'd ever had." Their friend Katie moaned over the mac and cheese ($3) before offering me the second half of her tremendous Italian cold cut ($4.90). I declined, finding it difficult to cram a gigantic beef hot dog ($1.90) and an over-stuffed chicken salad sandwich ($5.25) into my already distended stomach. After satiating ourselves, we returned the trays and headed for the door.

"Alright hos, it's time to get back to work!" I shouted. The three of them looked at me, but nobody laughed.

Dish: John's is an improvement to the common Baltimore sub shop. The menu is diverse, boasting entrees as well as sandwiches. All of the sandwiches are huge and the fry portions are large enough to share. We split two orders between the four of us.

Damage: A cheesesteak, fries and a medium soda cost me about $8.50. I fed and watered all three of my ladies for $20.27, which is not bad considering how hungry they can get after a long evening. Crazy John's offers a daily special, like stuffed pork chops or chicken Chesapeake, with two sides for $7.75. The pork chops looked delicious but I didn't notice them until after I'd ordered the sandwich.

Decision: Crazy John's offers food that fills you up without draining your wallet. Unless you get mugged, you'll have plenty of money left over to spend on reading materials in the nearby bookstores. You buy them for the articles, too, right?

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