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It's Monday night. U2's "Elevation" pumps through the cool October air at M&T Bank Stadium. Game lights illuminate the field. Zoom in on the line of scrimmage for Baltimore's next bout of cutthroat competition—an event hosted for its female fans—The Baltimore Ravens Purple Evening.
Purple jerseys, tight jeans, makeup and manicures rushed the field at Ravens Stadium on Oct. 1. Yes, things were a little less sweaty and a little less gritty at the 50-yard line, but competition remained fierce. Assemble that many girls and tease them with a few player appearances, and it's like a shoe sale at Nordstrom the day after Christmas. Done-up ladies in lip gloss prowled the sidelines and club levels hoping to intercept a Raven of their own.
With appearances due from Kyle Boller, Chris McAlister and Bart Scott, every lady in the house sought her own tight end. "We're here for Kyle Boller," Sarah Simmons and Heather Whipps (both of Catonsville) said in unison. Secretly, I was too. I made seeing Boller my mission for the evening, along with getting a peek inside the locker room.
Despite football clinics hosted by the team at each end zone, the flashbulb frenzy on the field seemed more akin to a photo shoot than a training camp. The more athletically-inclined tried kicking field goals from the 10- and 15-yard lines and ran drills, while the photogenic posed on the turf procuring pictures they'd eventually post on MySpace. Who knows, maybe one of them would be the next Ravens cover girl.
While I was there, I thought it couldn't hurt to learn a little about the game. Guys like girls who can talk football, right? You'd think girls would be packing it in, but attendance was low at the three different Football 101 sessions—special teams, offense and defense. Instead, ladies camped out in line for Bart Scott's autograph, sampled sugarplum martinis, or posed with Captain Defense while shooting dirty looks at Ravens cheerleaders. I, on the other hand, now understand that a nickelback serves as a fifth defensive back when the opposing offense is likely to pass and isn't just the name of some crappy band. Hear that, Kyle? I'm talking football.
Other festivities included various fan forums. Sue James, the Ravens' nutritionist, talked about the diet of the players, how to create a healthy tailgate and the breakdown of stadium food, while Baltimore Ravens president Dick Cass talked about the state of the Ravens and their chance of reaching Festivus status this season. Photo ops continued as fans waited in line to get a shot with the 2000 Super Bowl trophy and the team mascot Poe.
The closest I ever got to Kyle Boller happened when some crazed fans yelled that they'd spotted him under the goal post. There was a mad dash to the field goal kicking station, and I zoomed in with my camera to get some photos of the single QB, but it wasn't him. I did however make it to the locker room, where I watched women scurry frantically to take pictures of urinals. You gotta love this town.
Hey, Kyle, call me.
